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Thursday, June 22, 2006

Tick Tock... Tick Tock....

Well, it's almost 3:00 AM now. The husband is soundly sleeping, yet here I am, wide awake, sitting in front of my computer. Why? That's a good question with a deceptively simple answer. I can't sleep. I was very tired. I was drifting off into lala land when, all at once, all the work that I put off came rushing into my head. I tossed and turned for a while, but it was pointless. I was wide awake, and sleep was evading me. So, instead of staying in bed and staring at the ceiling and listening to soft hum of our fan, I decided to just chuck it all in and get on the computer. I couldn't stop thinking how next week the semester is over, yet I still have so much to do. I have a presentation to give on Sunday that I haven't written yet. One of my teachers hasn't gotten back to me about my paper topic, so I decided to e-mail him again. Again, this is all my fault, and I have no-one to blame but myself. 3 of the papers I still have to do could have been written months ago, and yet, they're still not done.

Here's where I see the main problem. I hate the MA program that I'm doing. It's not really my field of interest, but I stupid enough to take a professional's advice and do it as a step to the program I really want to be in. Now, I have only a semester left, and dropping out would be pointless. But, since I hate the classes and don't really care about them, I'm stuck in a situation where I feel no motivation to go to classes or do the work in a timely fashion. Of course, I will admit that I am a natural procrastinator, but when I'm doing something I love, I push myself over the lazy hump and get to work. I put everything into it. Not so here. The only thing pushing me is time. I'm not planning on using this MA as a reference or acceptance point in my next program. I don't even plan on sending my next school my transcript from here, so the grades don't concern me. Don't get me wrong. I'm getting decent grades, but I just care about finishing with, as my father-in-law keeps putting it, "the piece of paper". Apparently, that's all that matters. So, I need to get these papers in within the next few weeks, or getting that piece of paper will become that much harder, and I'll have wasted time and money. Well, not really time, as I can't really get a job here right now, so mostly money. And, money is something I can't afford to just piddle away right now.

Anyways, that's the reason I am now wide awake at 3:02 AM. Will it make me move any faster to get my work done? Probably not, but it's pressuring my brain, and it seems to care more than the rest of me. I'll do anything to not have to write these stupid things, because I just couldn't care less! For some-one who wants to be a Forensic Psychologist, writing about how two different schools of sociologists look at the topic of utopia just doesn't make my skirt fly. Iran's security threat to Israel vis-a-vie their foreign policy just doesn't float my boat. Uch, forget it. I'll just try and do some work. That should put me to sleep quick enough... What time is it now?


At 5:11 AM, Blogger Irina Tsukerman said...

Yeah, it's probably pretty terrible having to learn about things that have absolutely nothing to do with your field of interest. : ( I guess the only thing you can do in this situation is try to find at least something interesting or relevant in the things you're doing even if it's not something you'll wind up doing eventually. I don't know about those sociologists and the utopia (sounds horrible), but at least if you're doing something about security threat, it's at least important. Anyway, good luck getting it over with... hopefully, it'll get easier after you're finally through with that stack of papers!

At 3:06 PM, Blogger amechad said...

Ah, but if you want to be a psychologist in Israel you have to understand Israeli society. Otherwise ya could do a program in the US. BTW, I think most programs require all transcripts sent.

At 3:19 PM, Blogger Olah Chadasha said...

Am, I'm not sure. We'll see.

At 6:54 AM, Blogger Lady-Light said...

My daughter Toodles could probably relate to this post of yours; she was not much enamored with her year program at Heb. U., either. BTW, did you get my email?


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