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Thursday, September 07, 2006

Well... I mean... Who Hasn't Had This Happen To Them???

A radio station in Australia ran a phone-in competition to find the
most embarrassing moments in listeners' lives. The final four were:


Fourth Place.

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and started to run amok. I was finally able to
grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from
other customers. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself,
right now, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the
eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go,
I'll tell Grandma I saw you kissing Daddy's willie last night.'

After this enlightening exchange, the silence was deafening. Even
the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank,
with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard as the door closed behind
me were screams of laughter. READ THE REST...

Third Place.

"It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, but my
parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over
for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we
heard the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend
that I give her a piggy-back ride down to the phone. Since we didn't
want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed.
When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came
on as a whole crowd of people yelled, "SURPRISE!!".
My entire family - parents, grand-parents, aunts, uncles, cousins
and all my friends, were standing there. My girlfriend and I were rooted
to the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like
an eternity. Since then, no one in my family has planned any
surprise parties.

Second Place.

A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally
got up to the checkout, she learned that one of the items had no price
tag. The checkout girl got on the public address system, which boomed
out across the store for everyone to hear: "Price check for Tampax
supersize".
But it got worse. Someone at the rear of the store apparently
misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "Thumbtacks", and replied in
a business-like tone, his voice booming over the same public
address system:
"Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you
belt in with a hammer?"


First Place.And the winner is . . .

This happened during a biology lecture at a major
Australian University. A professor was discussing the high glucose
levels found in semen. A young woman raised her hand and asked, "If I
understand you correctly, you are saying there is as much glucose in
male semen as in sugar? " The professor responded, "Yes, that's
correct", adding some statistical data to his lecture.
Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?"
After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing. The
poor girl turned bright red as she realised exactly what she had
inadvertently said.
She picked up her books and, without another word, began to walk out.
However, as she was heading for the door, the professor's reply
was a classic. Totally straight-faced, he answered her question: "It
doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip
of your tongue and not in the back of your throat."

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2 Comments:

At 1:05 AM, Blogger joem said...

I fed this entry to bloggie's hippo and Throbert pointed out that at least two of these stories are urban legends featured on snopes..

 
At 8:04 PM, Blogger Olah Chadasha said...

Thanks for pointing that out, but I really don't mind. They're hilarious!
-OC

 

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