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Saturday, April 14, 2007

What If The Story Of Passover Had Been Told Through Today's Media?

(Reprinted from e-mail)

If the Passover Story Were Reported by CNN or the New York Times

The cycle of violence between the Jews and the Egyptians continues with
no end in sight in Egypt . After eight previous plagues have destroyed the
Egyptian infrastructure and disrupted the lives of ordinary Egyptian
citizens, the Jews launched a new offensive this week in the form of the
plague of darkness.

Western journalists were particularly enraged by this plague. "It is
simply impossible to report when you can't see an inch in front of you,"
complained a frustrated Andrea Koppel of CNN. "I have heard from my reliable
Egyptian contacts that in the midst of the blanket of blackness, the Jews
were annihilating thousands of Egyptians. Their word is solid enough
evidence for me."

While the Jews contend that the plagues are justified given the harsh
slavery imposed upon them by the Egyptians, Pharaoh, the Egyptian leader,
rebuts this claim. "If only the plagues would let up, there would be no
slavery. We just want to live plague-free. It is the right of every

Saeb Erekat, an Egyptian spokesperson, complains that slavery is
justifiable given the Jews' superior weaponry supplied to them by the
superpower G-d. The Europeans are particularly enraged by the latest Jewish
offensive. "The Jewish aggression must cease if there is to be peace in the
region. The Jews should go back to slavery for the good of the rest of the
world," stated an angry French President Jacques Chirac.

Even several Jews agree. Adam Shapiro, a Jew, has barricaded himself
within Pharaoh's chambers to protect Pharaoh from what is feared will be the
next plague, the death of the firstborn. Mr. Shapiro claims that while
slavery is not necessarily a good thing, it is the product of the plagues
and when the plagues end, so will the slavery. "The Jews have gone too far
with plagues such as locusts and epidemic which have virtually destroyed the
Egyptian economy," Mr. Shapiro laments. "The Egyptians are really a very
nice people and Pharaoh is kind of huggable once you get to know him,"
gushes Shapiro.

The United States is demanding that Moses and Aaron, the Jewish
leaders, continue to negotiate with Pharaoh. While Moses points out that
Pharaoh had made promise after promise to free the Jewish people only to
immediately break them and thereafter impose harsher and harsher slavery,
Richard Boucher of the State Department assails the latest offensive.
"Pharaoh is not in complete control of the taskmasters," Mr. Boucher states.
"The Jews must return to the negotiating table and will accomplish nothing
through these plagues."

The latest round of violence comes in the face of a bold new Saudi
peace overture. "If only the Jews will give up their language, change their
names to Egyptian names and cease having male children, the Arab nations
will incline toward peace with them," Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah declared.

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