Welcome to Israel Rules!

Powered by WebAds

Sunday, October 07, 2007

You Are Cordially Invited...

(Got this via E-mail; Very funny and oh so true if you're of the Jewish persuasion.)

Bar Mitzvah Invitation

In keeping up with the Rosen's and the Abelson's,
It is with great stress, emotional and physical fatigue
and incredible financial sacrifice beyond comprehension,
that we invite you to join us as our wonderful son
Jacob Adam
is called to
the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah.

Saturday, May 12th - (yes we realize its Mother's Day Weekend)
Temple Israel
14 Coleytown Road
Westport , Connecticut 06880
at the ungodly hour of 9 am even though you don't really need
to be there until 10:20am to catch the real action.

If you make it through the 3 hour service, please skip the kiddush
(it's just cookies and cake) and join us instead for an overly large
and ostentatious Kosher (my husband's idea) evening meal,
which starts at 7 PM,
(not 8 PM.. or you will miss out on the 2000 canapes).
Birchwood Country Club
25 Kings Hwy S
Westport , CT 06880
(which we had to join just for this event and
you would not believe the initiation fees)

You will be in the presence of lots of boisterous and expensive entertainment
and 60 to 70 unruly pre-teens wearing
expensive dresses, funny hats, fake bling and brand new white ankle socks...
as well as 80-100 middle aged+ adults, some balding, some with bad toupees, most will be professionally coiffed, designer attire galore, lots of REAL bling, and most "tootsed" to the nines. At least 1/3 will be hormonally challenged and some will act stupid while under the influence. Some will not even know where or who they are. Some will complain about the food. Blah Blah Blah.
Please have the courtesy of showing up if you RSVP that you are attending, or you will be billed for $210.00 a plate if you are a no-show. Please RSVP as soon as you get this and not a day before the cut-off date. I can't take the stress.
The gift of choice is either green, or contains a routing and account number. "Off the top of your head" gifts
and Gift Cards are a waste of your time and ours.

Hope you can make it! Lisa and David Miller
Dress: Black Tie optional
Theme: 007 James Bond
BYO Kippot. I don't have the strength.

3 Comments:

At 11:59 AM, Blogger Ben-Yehudah said...

B"H Well, at least they don't take themselves so seriously. But, "three hour service?" And people wonder why Jews aren't attracted back to Judaism. This is why. I hope they convey their own personal meaning to their son as to what the whole point is of being bar-misswah. I'm not sure he's gonna get it from "making it through" three hours of whatever.

Ya'aqov
(religious Jew who doesn't believe in 3 hrs. of anything)

 
At 7:13 PM, Blogger Olah Chadasha said...

Ummm... You know it's a joke, right?

 
At 4:01 PM, Blogger Michael said...

Very funny.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home