Fuzzy Wuzzy Was A Bear

You know, one of the things that everyone, who's a parent, talks about when you're pregnant for the first time and about to become a first-time parent is get ready to basically never sleep again. They try to explain the fatigue, but it always comes out in a joking matter that you don't know how seriously you should take them. And on top of that, you think to yourself, well, they don't look that tired. On top of that, you basically delude yourself. If you comprehended the enormity of what was really in store for you as a parent, I think the human species would probably go extinct pretty darn quickly. We're all, especially women, sado-masochists in that way. Normally, people who choose to put themselves through pain and agony are diagnosed with a psychosis and sometimes even put in a mental institution and on heavy anti-psychotic medications. But, no. Purposely going through the pain of morning sickness, back aches, stretch marks, swollen feet, etc., and then the pain of child birth is considered perfectly normal. More than that, doing it more than once, after figuring out what you're in for, is considered even more normal!!

In any case, what nobody can or does prepare you for is just the utter physical and mental dizzying exhaustion that comes with being a parent, and especially being a mother. My brain has felt like it's been stuffed with cotton balls since the second my son came out of me. My brain is just mush. I am just completely drained of any mental energy. I doubt if I could tell you what 2 + 2 is right now. 5? It's not that I am not enjoying motherhood. I love it. I love watching my son grow, I take such pleasure in seeing every new thing he does and discovers. My biggest joy is seeing that he smiles the biggest and laughs the hardest for me, his mom.

I just wish I could hold a coherent thought in my head for more than a few seconds, and I wish that I didn't feel like I needed to collapse at 8:00 at night after he's put to bed. I used to be such a night owl. If I went to bed before midnight, then I must have been sick or something. But now, I'm lucky if I can make to 11:00. What's happened to me? It's not like I'm not sleeping. Thank god, bli eyin hara, my son sleeps well at night. I'm getting sleep, but I still just feel so exhausted!

Man, taking care of a kid is such exhausting work! I don't even drink coffee! How am I going to survive???

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